Originally published on May 3rd, 2010

We all know it’s widely touted as being “best for baby”, after all it IS mother’s milk, and there’s nothing wrong with the delivery system (breasts), but, perhaps we should all agree on the manner in which this nurturing and nutritious motherly act is dispensed… We have been polite about it for a long time, we know you’re hormonal, we’ve been there (we don’t want to rile your ire) and yes, we are liberated and we do live in the West, we love to recycle and we buy organic but that doesn’t mean we’re ALL “granola” ALL THE TIME.

That is why I have come up with a step program for nursing mothers to use as a guideline.  By employing this “step program” you will eliminate misunderstandings, no longer a victim to hormonally induced confusion, or sleep-deprived missteps, which will cause you to be cast in a less than flattering light.  As a seasoned nursing mother, I have traveled down the path of mistakes and hope that my failures in this arena will serve as an example of what NOT to do when you are nursing.  For instance, it is entirely acceptable to produce a breast for the nursing consultant in the hospital to manipulate in order to show you and your newborn how to latch properly.  Conversely, it is entirely inappropriate to do so in mixed (this means a penis is present in the room, excepting if you work with a male doctor and he is the only one inspecting the breast) company.  For example, say whilst the “men folk” are watching a game (football, soccer, baseball, basketball, you get the idea) it would be horribly wrong to expose your swollen mammary.  Take it from me; I could have fed all of Sally Struthers children with the milk I stored while lactating.  It’s a messy issue and a beautiful one.  If navigated with care, you can avoid being the unpleasant talk of the town (after you’ve left the room of course – no one will dare say it to your face- cowards).

It’s difficult enough to remember which breast you finished with and how long your child has nursed on each side, there is no reason for further complicating matters.  By following the guidelines below you will only have to make certain you manage your water intake (gets lots of it) and avoid those nasty, gas-producing foods, which can pollute your milk supply.  So, with your sense of humor firmly intact and your big girl pants pulled up, let us dive into the steps.

The Breast is Best (but don’t make us publicly protest) Step Program

1. Never whip it out in public.  Ladies, we love you for doing it, we’re happy for you and your decision for your child/children.  However, NO ONE wants to see the actual breast or areola….EVER.  It’s just not something we’re interested in viewing.  With so many wonderful products on the market designed to create an intimate experience for you and your child, why expose it?  Cover them up – we are not saying it isn’t a beautiful thing – sometimes beauty is best preserved when shared by a small few (like you and your milk recipient)!  Seriously, cover them up, leave the room, anything, we’re not going to change our stance.
2. The Talk – none of your girlfriends really want you to share all the intimate details of the process with their men.  We know men admire how they look full and engorged with milk, we get it, really.  However, if we want details, we’ll ask, when it’s appropriate (left to our discretion).  If we don’t ask, please, don’t tell.
3. Invest in a hospital grade pump.  If you don’t want to buy one, you can rent them from most hospital supply facilities (usually located near your local hospital).  They are well worth their weight in gold.  When you have to hit the office, are crunched for time and have to “relieve” yourself of the excess milk these are as efficient and expeditious a method of extracting that nutritious supply, as you will find.  The bonus is you will see how much milk you are actually producing and can make any necessary alterations in your fluid intake/diet to increase (or in some cases decrease) as needed.
4. Research the market and purchase at least two to three cover up options, which lend themselves to your particular climate.  There are plenty out there, most of them are lovely and we would all greatly appreciate it.
5. LilyPadz, you MUST have them, they are great for preventing those unsightly leak spots that always happen when you are least prepared (like the checkout at your local Whole Foods market with all the faces you’ve known for years when your baby starts to cry and you leak straight through the disposable ones you have in your nursing bra – drat)!
6. Speaking of nursing bras – essential to have at least three great ones.  They are admittedly not the most alluring looking pieces of lingerie, but, if you aren’t Octomom and you aren’t looking to mass produce more offspring asap then who really cares about looking glamorous when you’re swollen two to three times your normal cup size?
7. Nursing moms still want to have fun – right?  Just remember IF you indulge in an adult beverage to “pump it and dump it” for at least 12 hours after your last sip of any alcohol and most Obstetricians/Pediatricians give it the thumbs up.
8. Try to have fun with it; you won’t be a “milk cow” forever!

With all that in mind, it’s probably still ok to flub here and there (a little), your sisters and mothers don’t count, nor does your own bedroom/nursery.  So, please, love yourself, love your lactating body and hang in there.  It really is a beautiful thing to do for your child and your surgeon can always fix what’s left of what used to be your gorgeous breasts…if YOU want to (by then you won’t want to whip them out for any reason when any human being is present anyway).  In closing, just because we don’t want to see your boobies, doesn’t mean we don’t love you – we do, just not ‘that way”.  Sorry we had to tell you the hard facts, but, hey, what are girlfriends for if not the cold, hard truth?

Photographed by Lisa Nalven Photography, Styled by Encore Plus

Year after year the same question comes up.  What to buy for the man who has EVERYTHING?  There’s always another “dust collector” to be added to an already abundant array of lovely gifts, something golf related (again….snooze), wine (though it’s hard to say we wouldn’t both appreciate something rare, something exquisite), this year I want to REALLY shake it up.  No more electronic gadgetry, dinners, evenings of theatre (never convinced he like that much anyway), no desk accessories, or leather goods or things from the nationally known department store gift guides (including the one from my namesake, which I am ALWAYS fond of seeing in a small gift bag – hint, hint, honey if you’re reading).  Nope, this year it’s all about ADVENTURE (and I don’t mean Costa Rica).  This year, I venture into uncharted territory.  Something provocative, something timeless, something personal, something a little more than terrifying for me, a photographic keepsake.

1. A photographer capable of putting you at ease on the phone and taking the time to listen to what you want to achieve is probably a photographer capable of doing the same thing for you in front of the lens (again, this CAN be intimidating and someone willing to take the extra time to reassure you during this process is worth their weight in gold).
2. Determine what YOU want from the shoot, talk with your photographer about options, do they have a stylist they work with, can you bring one along, will you be on location, in a studio??
3. How much time will they dedicate to the session?  If you shoot on location a lot of people consider their commute time to get there as part of the “ticking clock”, make sure you have enough time to not feel rushed or stressed to accomplish your goal.
4. How many wardrobe changes will they allow.  Some photographers limit you to three or four (seems common in my research).  Be sure you agree on this in advance, or, at least make sure they’re flexible if you can’t commit until you’ve worked with a stylist (or at least a girlfriend with a GREAT eye for detail).
5. Get a contract outlining what you can expect:  Amount of time on the shoot, how many prints you get, the sizes, the finish options you may want, how much additional money that will cost (some photographers will do them on canvas, offer metallic glazes, specialty finishes or an array of books, calendars, etc) and what you can expect in the way of “fixing” your final selections (a little nip here, a little tuck there, minimizing some of natures laugh lines, etc).
6. Cost – this is a BIG one.  Some places, particularly studios have packages addressing  “boudoir” shoots.  Many times these are more affordable than some of the other photographers out there.  I offer only one bit of caution.  This is a special undertaking, a thoughtful, yet personal (very much so in some cases depending on how much or how little clothing you don for your shoot) gift – so, don’t skimp on the photographer and splurge on the frame (some people spend more on their frames than they do the photographer).  So many people want a Picasso but only want to pay for an “unknown” artist.  When you’re “shopping” for your photographer it is wise to have a budget in mind and know that just like ANY art form, you will plunk down more money for the more experienced and talented ones out there (just like anything else).  After all, you won’t get a Bentley at Gremlin prices (for those of you unsure as to what a Gremlin is – you are too young to worry about having laugh lines touched up).
7. Finally, after all the research, the talking, the selecting of wardrobe, studio, location, etc.  Just try to relax and enjoy your special day, it will come across in the photos and in the end, you will have something to give that no one else can…..an original piece of art, featuring YOU (another original piece of art).

Ok, so maybe we’re a couple of days late, but not to post this article from Tiffany S Berch would be a crime!

Given the gift giving nature of this time of the year, it’s hard to resist compiling a list of one’s own wants.  In keeping with the spirit of my real wishes (let’s face it, I can’t ask for a bigger heart or more compassion, world peace, or more tolerance – that we either have or don’t meditate on, or not), I decided what I want most of all is for Q-Med AB (the manufacturer of Restalyne & Restalyne L) to create a new product line, not just for moi, but, for all the other similarly situated women out there wishing to increase their pout without looking like they should have a hook through their lips (a la a fishing hook).

Some people just don’t have a generous enough lip line to tolerate half an ML of “the stuff” and there are many times when a slightly fuller lip line is what a girl wants.  Bear in mind that in 2009 more than 1,313,038 fillers were injected – SURELY there is a demand for a new product which can accomplish what we want, nay in some cases, NEED……a bee sting pout.  My suggestion is that Q-Med AB produce a .25ML of Restalyne/Restalyne L specifically targeted to the lip market.  Why just this week I was visiting the incomparably talented Lori Harrington, of Physicians Laser Center in Deerfield Beach, Florida and while I would have enjoyed a slightly fuller lip for the upcoming holiday fetes, .50ML of the product would have been far too much for me to pull off (imagine a size 0 woman trying to pull off a double D cup – NOT a natural look and not what I was aiming to achieve).

Therefore, I maintain and adamantly urge the decision makers at Q-Med AB to hear the voice of the people (okay, at this point, person) and explore the possibilities of marketing to women in the same boat.  Give us the .25 ML and make our fuller lip dreams come true!  It would certainly make this girl have a much, much merrier Christmas and it wouldn’t hurt to start the new year off with a pretty little pout going on either.  I’ll even go so far as to come up with some potential names for the .25ML product; “bee sting bump”, “princess pout”, “smile enhancer” or my personal favorite “luscious lips”…….come on Q-Med AB, maybe next year????

Super Nanny, Nanny 911, Nanny Professor, The Nanny Chronicles, The Nanny Diaries, et al.

Whether you’re a single mother or not, a working mother or not, living near your family of origin or not, mothering is a BIG TIME job and since we’ve all learned that it “takes a village” some folks are fixated on the non-blood relation “villagers”.

Think of how difficult it can be at a new job to learn the political aspects of the workplace, then multiply that by about one thousand percent and bring it into your home 24/7 – that personal relations dynamite is a live in nanny.  Factor in probable philosophical differences in child rearing practices, language barriers (if you hire someone whose native tongue is not your own), scheduling issues, etc, etc.  No one wants the cell phone-obsessed nanny, the terminally-texting au pair, the boob-tube prone sitter, or the governess who ties up the house phone while the children are in a bath.  Relying on someone else to act as a parent in your place when you cannot or choose not to be there is a very delicate thing.  In fact, hiring in-home childcare can be compared to the selection process for a spouse or partner.  It is THAT important to be similarly matched in order to avoid the inevitable pitfalls of a daily relationship where the stakes are as high as raising one’s sons and daughters.

Some people believe that just because someone employs a nanny they necessarily relegate the demands of motherhood to the nanny.  In some cases that may be true, but, often times the very few people with nanny in tow are just like everyone else…struggling with deadlines, errands, traffic, time constraints i.e. trying to meet the demands of their lives and hoping that it all ends well for everyone concerned at the end of the day.  Having lived in an area with a higher nanny population than most, I have witnessed countless hands-on parenting by individuals with a nanny at home.  While nannies may be portrayed as substitute parents on television, it has been my experience that nothing can replace the core values of the actual parents, their approval, their investment of time spent with their child (children) or the tough decisions we all face everyday in the job of trying to make the best, most educated decisions for our babies.

While having in-home childcare may seem like a cakewalk to those without, consider how familiarity often breeds contempt, how it may feel to watch your child running to someone else for comfort when you’ve been forced to dole out parental discipline, what a mother feels when it’s her nanny watching her child take their first steps (while she’s at work paying for the privilege of missing cherished milestones)….  Despite all this, when that ideal pairing does happen and an employee becomes a member of the “family”, trust exists coupled with convenience and a cohesiveness in partnering to parent, then you have achieved what can only be referred to as parental utopia!

So, the next time you imagine how grand life would be with a little extra help and fancy yourself a prospective household for “Super Nanny” or the like, just remember, the binding on the book may appear vastly different, but the inside is mostly the same.  Either way, be sure to count your blessings in what some regard as the toughest job Mother Nature can toss your way: mothering.

*Update – Karen from Hollywood Farm did a follow up post too!  Love that this caused so much conversation!

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Photo by Lisa Nalven Photography

There is a great piece of wisdom from India, which encapsulates the very essence of the foundation for child rearing throughout the ages.

“A child must be brought up to understand the word NO. He should be taught yes first of all, then, yes and no, then no and yes, in such a way that he gradually comes to realize that there is really only NO. A child’s education is learning to understand the concept of no, and thus enables him to grow. Growing up means accepting the concept of “no” -Swami Prajinanpad

So many of us struggle with the ever-blurring line between the guilt of working and providing/surviving and over-indulging and when enough is enough, for ourselves and for our children.  We all want to raise decent human beings, healthy, happy, contributing to the welfare of society and self-sufficient.  How we arrive there has as many paths and possibilities as we have names.  There is no right or wrong way; only paths and we all must choose the best way for our family and circumstances.

Since when did we become so soft on discipline?  I know it’s easier to give in than it is to stand firm and set clear boundaries but, isn’t that part of the job description?  How can we expect to raise strong and resilient, resourceful people if we don’t demonstrate those same qualities ourselves…it’s all about the leadership.  No child deserves a private club membership, a wardrobe replete with designer labels, trips to the salon, the latest video games, etc, etc.  There are times when a reward is nice to recognize an achievement, or something special is warranted for a birthday, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, First Communion, but, as a matter of course, day in day out…

We all know a friend with that bratty child, the ones that will whine incessantly when faced with an answer they don’t like.  The one with a parent who instead of sticking to their proverbial “guns”, will throw in the towel and give said whining child whatever it is they want just to stop the wailing.  How can we expect that child (as we project into the future) to cope with adversity, with not getting THEIR way when they don’t learn the basic skills as children?  Often times, these same children become incapable of dealing with adversity in school, interacting with others (now they have the internet to hide behind so they don’t even have to develop intrapersonal skills), an overbearing boss, or, worse, they expect YOU to care for them throughout their life, because…they expect it (and guess what – look no further than your mirror for the culprit).

Should we really deprive our cherished offspring of life’s often unfair and tough lessons? Is in not better for them to learn from those who love them most of all about how to handle a challenge (even if that challenge is that all their other friends get to do/go/have such and such a thing or place and they cannot).  If we take the long view, perhaps it is better not to get them that iPad, new car, trip to Prague and teach them that some things are most rewarding when they are earned.  Even though it is difficult to say no when we have the means and it doesn’t change our life in the least to give in.  In the end, maybe “no” isn’t such a bad word after all?

How many times have you felt that somewhere in between tidying up the house, preparing nutritious, well-balanced meals, balancing the checkbook, your social calendar and your child’s ever changing wants/needs that you just want to SCREAM!!!!!  Not out of anger (we’re honest right ladies – we did choose life after all), but, frustration borne out of not attending to things we still want to do.  Yes, your children must come first, but that doesn’t mean you died when they were born?  When’s the last time you felt entitled to pick up your guitar, your pen, your microphone, dance the night away and let loose.  Where did you go momma, how did this happen to you?  Furthermore, not every woman was chomping at the bit to have children.  If you happen to have been content with or without them, then the invariably challenging moments of motherhood can really crank up the heat.  What woman once impassioned with the thoughts of her goals and dreams – now chiding her toddler for the umpteenth time about not jumping on the sofa isn’t a little miffed that she has had to become Head Disciplinarian, life coach, personal stylist, hairdresser, secretary and all around Girl Friday?  Mother Teresa perhaps would not have had issue with this assignment, but the rest of us aren’t so sure some days.

I can tell you the Industrial Revolution changed the face of the nuclear family forever.  No longer bound by geography, people started fanning out and ditching their family of origin for new locales and “greener grass” (aha – alas, it is not always greener).  Without the built in support system of grandma, sisters, brother, aunts/uncles and in-laws, the job became exponentially more taxing (P.S., we’re not supposed to complain either).

So, how do we make it work, find Zen and enlightenment in the post-modern era of women’s liberation (liberated from what, last time I checked we’re still killing ourselves out there)?  We are “supposed” to look as put together as we did pre-baby, as sexy (be “in the mood” as frequently, despite exhaustion), and be as wrapped on Mr.’s every word as before????  Sounds like a bit of a tall order.  As a friend of mine so wisely said recently, the days are long, but the years are short and the hours between 4pm and 8 pm seem like thirty hours not four.

Perfection…unattainable, control of a situation (toddler involved or not)…an illusion….  Perhaps the best we can do until the circumstances dictate change is use the things that inspired us to possibly inspire our own children?  Play the music to them, dance with them, do your sport with your own little sport in tow and regardless of whether or not they adopt our interests as their own, when we look back maybe we’ll be glad for sharing our passions, happy that we didn’t really miss out and have made some lasting and with any luck, wonderful memories in the process.

When faced with the decision to purchase new booster seats for my children I was overwhelmed by the choices.  With so many options it became a daunting task which I endeavored to solve with exhaustive research (like all nerdy moms), “test” driving them for comfort after they’d passed the safety tests and then finally by asking my mommy friends which ones they preferred.

After spending three hours doing research on ConsumerReports.org, Consumersearch.com and countless other credible safety reporting agencies, I was armed with enough information to know what type of seat would work best with my SUV.   Next came narrowing it down to which ones would provide the highest degree of comfort and ease of use.  There was one clear choice after reviewing all the data and criteria…..The Clek olli Julius Booster Car Seat – Paul Frank Standard model.  Not only is this model lightweight (less than 5lbs), fast and easy to install (simply click it into the lower LATCH anchors in your vehicle in less than ten seconds), it’s also customizable, comes with a carrying strap for portability and has additional layers of padding to prevent children from going numb in the legs (thus their self-proclaimed motto “no numb bum”).

There is a reason this booster seat is the recipient of the 2008 Parents Test Parent Approved (PTPA) Media Award, The National Parenting Center’s 2008 Seal of Approval, iParenting Media Award Outstanding Products: Gear & Equipment, 2007 JPMA Innovation Award and many more.

After having the opportunity to road test these seats, I am 100% sold that I made the right decision.  The children love them, they look forward to sitting in their “big seats” and I love the convenience factor of being able to click in and out so quickly.  So, if you have a child whose height and weight are between 40-57 in./101-145 cm. and are 40-100 lbs./18-45 kg – I don’t think you’ll find a seat capable of providing a better experience for the entire family than the Clek Olli Booster Seat!

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