Breastfeeding Etiquette 101, by Tiffany S Berch
Originally published on May 3rd, 2010
We all know it’s widely touted as being “best for baby”, after all it IS mother’s milk, and there’s nothing wrong with the delivery system (breasts), but, perhaps we should all agree on the manner in which this nurturing and nutritious motherly act is dispensed… We have been polite about it for a long time, we know you’re hormonal, we’ve been there (we don’t want to rile your ire) and yes, we are liberated and we do live in the West, we love to recycle and we buy organic but that doesn’t mean we’re ALL “granola” ALL THE TIME.
That is why I have come up with a step program for nursing mothers to use as a guideline. By employing this “step program” you will eliminate misunderstandings, no longer a victim to hormonally induced confusion, or sleep-deprived missteps, which will cause you to be cast in a less than flattering light. As a seasoned nursing mother, I have traveled down the path of mistakes and hope that my failures in this arena will serve as an example of what NOT to do when you are nursing. For instance, it is entirely acceptable to produce a breast for the nursing consultant in the hospital to manipulate in order to show you and your newborn how to latch properly. Conversely, it is entirely inappropriate to do so in mixed (this means a penis is present in the room, excepting if you work with a male doctor and he is the only one inspecting the breast) company. For example, say whilst the “men folk” are watching a game (football, soccer, baseball, basketball, you get the idea) it would be horribly wrong to expose your swollen mammary. Take it from me; I could have fed all of Sally Struthers children with the milk I stored while lactating. It’s a messy issue and a beautiful one. If navigated with care, you can avoid being the unpleasant talk of the town (after you’ve left the room of course – no one will dare say it to your face- cowards).
It’s difficult enough to remember which breast you finished with and how long your child has nursed on each side, there is no reason for further complicating matters. By following the guidelines below you will only have to make certain you manage your water intake (gets lots of it) and avoid those nasty, gas-producing foods, which can pollute your milk supply. So, with your sense of humor firmly intact and your big girl pants pulled up, let us dive into the steps.
The Breast is Best (but don’t make us publicly protest) Step Program
- Never whip it out in public. Ladies, we love you for doing it, we’re happy for you and your decision for your child/children. However, NO ONE wants to see the actual breast or areola….EVER. It’s just not something we’re interested in viewing. With so many wonderful products on the market designed to create an intimate experience for you and your child, why expose it? Cover them up – we are not saying it isn’t a beautiful thing – sometimes beauty is best preserved when shared by a small few (like you and your milk recipient)! Seriously, cover them up, leave the room, anything, we’re not going to change our stance.
- The Talk – none of your girlfriends really want you to share all the intimate details of the process with their men. We know men admire how they look full and engorged with milk, we get it, really. However, if we want details, we’ll ask, when it’s appropriate (left to our discretion). If we don’t ask, please, don’t tell.
- Invest in a hospital grade pump. If you don’t want to buy one, you can rent them from most hospital supply facilities (usually located near your local hospital). They are well worth their weight in gold. When you have to hit the office, are crunched for time and have to “relieve” yourself of the excess milk these are as efficient and expeditious a method of extracting that nutritious supply, as you will find. The bonus is you will see how much milk you are actually producing and can make any necessary alterations in your fluid intake/diet to increase (or in some cases decrease) as needed.
- Research the market and purchase at least two to three cover up options, which lend themselves to your particular climate. There are plenty out there, most of them are lovely and we would all greatly appreciate it.
- LilyPadz, you MUST have them, they are great for preventing those unsightly leak spots that always happen when you are least prepared (like the checkout at your local Whole Foods market with all the faces you’ve known for years when your baby starts to cry and you leak straight through the disposable ones you have in your nursing bra – drat)!
- Speaking of nursing bras – essential to have at least three great ones. They are admittedly not the most alluring looking pieces of lingerie, but, if you aren’t Octomom and you aren’t looking to mass produce more offspring asap then who really cares about looking glamorous when you’re swollen two to three times your normal cup size?
- Nursing moms still want to have fun – right? Just remember IF you indulge in an adult beverage to “pump it and dump it” for at least 12 hours after your last sip of any alcohol and most Obstetricians/Pediatricians give it the thumbs up.
- Try to have fun with it; you won’t be a “milk cow” forever!
With all that in mind, it’s probably still ok to flub here and there (a little), your sisters and mothers don’t count, nor does your own bedroom/nursery. So, please, love yourself, love your lactating body and hang in there. It really is a beautiful thing to do for your child and your surgeon can always fix what’s left of what used to be your gorgeous breasts…if YOU want to (by then you won’t want to whip them out for any reason when any human being is present anyway). In closing, just because we don’t want to see your boobies, doesn’t mean we don’t love you – we do, just not ‘that way”. Sorry we had to tell you the hard facts, but, hey, what are girlfriends for if not the cold, hard truth?
No related posts.
So glad I’m not dealing with this anymore. I’m your latest follower from SITS.
Alicia @ a beautiful mess
Wow…. pump and dump huh? Where did you get your information? Sorry but its drastically wrong.
No, I don’t particularly want to see an areola. That’s why I don’t look! They’re not that big – all you have to do is look away.
Sorry, but no. As a straight, child-hating woman, I have to say I would rather be stuck in a room FULL of bare milk-producing breasts than have a single crying baby within earshot. The thing wants feeding, FEED IT. Yes, even in the middle of Tesco. In fact, ESPECIALLY in the middle of tesco, because screaming ECHOES in there. Just feed the thing. You get your tit out I probably won’t notice because frankly I don’t go around staring at strangers like some sort of weirdo. If I do notice, I can look away. I can’t turn my hearing away from a crying, hungry baby and that noise is like knives in my ears.
Hahahahah best comment!
LOL
Well, as an actually Mother, and not just a child hating woman, I say cover it up! I don’t want to see your boob, sorry. And Kerry, yes pump and dump.
1. Folks, this article was written tongue-in-cheek (highly sardonic in fact). Therefore, it was never meant to be construed as a “GUIDE FOR A LACTATING WOMAN” (please see The Leaky Breast, La Leche, etc for that).
2. My OB/GYN and personal lactating consultant advised me regarding the “pump and dump” timeframe as well as any other real facts I tossed in between the lines of what was meant to be a quick laugh of an article.
3. Free society=free press, if you “dislike” or “strongly dislike”, perhaps you’d be better suited to other reading material, there is no dearth of availability last time I checked. Perhaps it’s more fun to review one article that one person wrote (again, see point #1, maybe we don’t share a sense of humor, not all things or people are for everyone else) and then just write a lot of calumniatory remarks, that is YOUR RIGHT and I CELEBRATE YOU for exercising them!
4. FYI – I was part of a group that protested the official BANNING OF BREASTFEEDING in the Houston’s chain of restaurants since I found their lack of tolerance and empathy towards nursing mothers abhorrent and ignorant (not to mention cruel to the child and the mother who may be in pain and SHOULDN’T be banished to the toilet to feed her baby). I still maintain that while we may be “evolved” there must be a way to feed a child and spare the stares of a bare-breast (anyone notice the correlation between advertising and images of women with little or no clothing – just an observation).
5. While I don’t feel particularly inclined to justify what I wrote, I do know this: I NEVER MEANT TO OFFEND OR VITIATE THE NURSING MOM, THE EXPECTANT MOTHER OR ANYONE SERVING AS EMOTIONAL/MENTAL/PHYSICAL SUPPORT TO THE AFOREMENTIONED. If anything I said in the article upset you in any way, I apologize, it truly was NOT my intention (a flagrant malentendu).
As others have said, the “pump and dump” guidelines you provide are based on misinformation. Alcohol leaves breast milk at the same rate it leaves the blood stream; it’s not trapped in the milk until you pump it out. Read this article from Kellymom http://www.kellymom.com/health/lifestyle/alcohol.html for the current guidelines about alcohol consumption and breastfeeding.
I completely agree with the author of this post. I agreed with her on every count and I nursed two kids for a year each. And yes, please wear a “Hooter Hider” ladies.
Too bad if you can’t hey? what than, just let my baby scream himself stupid? Than you’d be whining about that!
Don’t get me wrong, you’d be lucky to see my boob for more than a millisecond (IF you happened to be looking at the wrong time) when i’m NIP. You don’t have to use a cover to be discreet, and if you don’t want to you don’t even have to be discreet.
I got the humor in the article! I am breastfeeding my third child and will breastfeed in public wherever I am. BUT I will NOT just whip it out without any care in the world. LOL!! Nope, I put a blanket over me while I am undoing it all and then take the blanket off my chest after all is nice and orderly and she is eating. No areola in sight.
LOVED this piece! Very funny!
Wow. This is very interesting to me. I am surprised by the attacking. Though I shouldn’t be as I have seen over and over how passionate this topic can be. I too am passionate about breastfeeding. I am 16 years into parenting and have breastfed all three of my kids. The longest for 14 months. And? I am damn proud of that accomplishment.
I was once asked to leave a restaurant because I was breastfeeding and disturbing other patrons. In all fairness they first suggested that I go to the bathroom and do it, which I declined. They then asked me to leave. I was discreetly breastfeeding behind a blanket. That was before all the cool contraptions they have now. But that was a long time ago. A woman’s right to breastfeed in public has come a long way since then.
I have always tried to respectfully breastfeed. To try and be as discreet as possible. There are certain things that make others uncomfortable and I am always aware of that. We live in a society where nudity is not something we are all that comfortable with. Before you all hate comment me, I am not suggested that breastfeeding and nude beaches are one in the same.
I think about my three boys. There was a time when I could shower in front of them or pee or whatever nudity needed to be done in their presence so as to maintain their safety. I wondered how long that would last and a child psychologist once told me that when they were no longer ok with it they would let me know. And? They did. At some point in our lives we all become uncomfortable with others’ nudity. My kids told me by saying that I looked weird or that my vagina was gross or some other flattering comment.
What I am trying to say, no so eloquently, is this. Most of us are not comfortable with other people’s nudity. It is an awkward thing to see and we have a hard time handling it. Even if it is a mother breastfeeding. That doesn’t mean that we are right in our awkwardness, but it is a human condition. Would I prefer that women who breastfeed in public do it in a way that doesn’t over-expose their breasts? Yes. Is that my issue? Yes. Does that mean that I am opposed to breastfeeding or saying that it isn’t beautiful? NO. The author of this post is not saying that either. She is finding some humor in an awkward situation and voicing the discomfort of most.
Breastfeeding is lovely and certainly a great gift to give a child. That said, like every thing else in life, there is nothing wrong with a little comic relief.
This is the best comment here.
THANK YOU for “getting it”………….
I’m fairly certain that “pump & dump” is out of date; alcohol metabolizes out of the breastmilk the same way it does out of the blood — having a drink after the child is in bed should leave you free to nurse again in the morning, no issues. HOWEVER, I’d consult a lactation professional on that one; I think I picked it up in my breastfeeding class, but cannot remember. (Man, it was two years ago.) They make these strips now that test the alcohol content of breast milk, so you can always use that method.
Also, pumping isn’t really a good indicator for supply for all women; I made enough milk to feed several babies and the child never ran empty at the breast, but got significantly less milk when I pumped.
I want to “like” ooph’s comment but this isn’t facebook so I’m just going to type,
LIKE!
And, I just have to wonder, where is the line where one person’s rights supercede another’s? I don’t mind a woman breastfeeding, but I dont’ want her to be in my face about it either. That doesn’t mean I don’t think she should breastfeed in public. Sure, do that. Just be discreet. Isn’t is okay to ask that MY right to not be exposed to any nudity be respected too?
I once was at a pumpkin patch with my husband and kids. A woman was walking around breastfeeding her baby. I have sons (at the time) aged 6 and 7. I have a husband. They aren’t interested in seeing that. Yet, I didn’t feel like I could say anything to her because I feared she would go nuts and call me oppressive or an anti-lactite or something. Like I said, breastfeeding = good. Putting your breasts in my face unapologetically = not so good.
Just my 2 cents!
You are my new bff! That’s exactly how I feel!
Yes, to this. I was going to write a comment but this says it all.
Your two cents from Texas are greatly appreciate by this Missouri native – THANK YOU! In fact, A TEXAS SIZED T_H_A_N_K Y_O_U to ALL off the people who wrote in with a little less venom in their tone than some of the people who felt the need to see blood for what one person wrote about a subject which was painfully (and proudly) a part of my life for more than two years (I nicknamed my pump “Bob”). We all get our “turn in the barrel” and while I never wanted to scare anyone off, I just wrote it from my perspective. Moral of the story, it’s not the Voynich Manuscript, just a fluff article on a not so fluffy topic. I’m sorry if I offended anyone and celebrate the women who were, like me, able to laugh about it and not take things so seriously.
I’m a mom who did not breastfeed. I have NO problem with women breastfeeding anywhere they damn well please and I LOVE this post. Maybe some of those offended by it should consider that it’s not a personal attack. The author is CLEARLY not against breastfeeding.
Also, I’d like to share a little story. I have a friend of 28 years..28 YEARS. We have changed in front of each other, seen each other at our worst, I was even her back up support in case her husband was not able to be there for the birth of their first child. Which means I would have seen a lot more than her boobs. When I come over her house and her sweet son needs to be fed, she uses a cover up. Not because I asked her to. Not because she thinks it makes me uncomfortable. She does it because she wants to.
In the privacy of her own home, with her friend of 28 years, she covers up while breastfeeding.
I’m not saying every woman must do this. I’m just saying, not every woman that breastfeeds chooses to whip her boobs out, either. Just food for thought.
i nursed all 3 of my kids. i’m pro breast feeding if it works for you. but…wear a hooter hider. i don’t want to sit in a restaurant facing a woman who is breast feeding. period. and really, around 99.9% of my friends don’t either.
Too bad if you can’t wear a cover? what than, just let my baby scream himself stupid? Than you’d be whining about that! If i even try to cover my baby’s head for a second he rips it of, pulls his head back and leaves me more exposed than if i just fed him normally. Nearly every woman i know, that has a baby more than about 3 mths old has the same issue. Also, it is far far to sticky and hot to cover up most of the time. Why should my poor baby have to eat with his fact covered, in a hot sticky, suffocating environment? Oh thats, right because the world is petrified that they might accidentally get a glance of my boob for the 1/2 a second its exposed. Probably while they are looking past me to perve on a scantily glad woman on an advertisement or something.
Don’t get me wrong, you’d be lucky to see my boob for more than a millisecond (IF you happened to be looking at the wrong time) when i’m NIP. You don’t have to use a cover to be discreet, and if you don’t want to you don’t even have to be discreet.
To me they could do whatever they want. Here is a question that I have been wondering ever since it became vogue to BF in public: Do they mind if ppl just plainly stare? It’s in the public right? My guess is that I would have got a slap in the face if I had stared at the BF woman’s breast next to me, or at least a very outraged “Excuse me!”
Vouge to breastfeed in public???
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA do you think that cave women sat around on there rocks, breastfeeding and talking about their latest Gucci handbag???
Its just the normal way to feed a baby, and for a small period of time, some woman were suppressed into believing that they had to hide away to do that. I don’t know why this happened, but thankfully the world is now filling up with free thinking, realistic women that refuse to be hidden away to feed their babies the way it was intended. And I’ve never seen a woman breastfeeding, show enough for it to be worth staring at anyway, and that is without a cover too.
So… breastfeeding moms need to burka themselves up (people WILL still complain, however, & it’s a guaranteed way to alert everyone in eyesight you’re nursing), buy an expensive pump (as a SAHM, I’ve only pumped a handful of times), pump and dump if they dare drink (despite evidence saying in moderation, there is likely no need, check Kellymom), and then have “work done” to fix the damage (despite the fact that there is no evidence that I am aware of that breastfeeding is responsible for sagging, only pregnancy).
What a bunch of booby traps.
A far cry from a hijab – did I even mention that in my article, ahhh, that’s right – I didn’t. Lighten it up ladies. FYI- when your breast size more than quadruples, you’ll be staring at the skin they came in, not everyone wants to see a pancake breast and there’s nothing wrong with saying so (why does MY experience/article mean it’s the same for everyone, I didn’t even imply that – it was a joke, a JOKE-unless it’s your hacky sack boob). Everyone has different skin and milk producing capabilities (lots of variables there I’d say) and since when did y’all decide that attacking one person was a fun pastime? I don’t ever recall having free time to write nasty, hateful and downright MEAN messages to someone I never met, likely never will and had a opinion I didn’t even cotton to (for whatever reason). I certainly wouldn’t deign it necessary to vulgarly express my distaste. My single, working mother of two didn’t raise me to be rude towards others, even IF I felt emboldened behind the confines of my keyboard. Manners anyone? Respectfully agree to disagree…..
I like your attempt to bring humor to what is, for a lot of people, a touchy subject, and many of your tips are spot on.
You fail miserably on one count, though. I don’t plan to have more babies, but my two were fed on demand from birth to ages 1(my runner daughter) & 3(my snuggly son.) Eye contact, talk, and connection with baby are huge parts of nursing, and your cover-ups destroy them. You cannot smile at your baby through opaque fabric, or visually check latch when it feels not quite right.
That said, I wore tank top/shirt combos that minimized my exposure, but found that actual shelf tanks and t-shirts worked much better for this purpose than the Lansinoh branded ones i bought with the (in)convenient nursing slits. On several occasions, people came up and talked to me about my babies, and even asked if they could hold them _while_ I was nursing. Yes, not flashing the world takes practice, but you don’t need to wear a giant Mommy-bib like a sign that says “Look! I’m nursing a baby!” either.
Finally – all the women who complained about their husbands and sons seeing boobs engaged in their natural purpose – wake up. Breasts are meant to feed babies. How much better for your sons to know that those things have a purpose, a reason, a noble and nurturing raison d’etre separate from sex? Do you want them to grow up to objectify breasts (and by extension the women who have them)? And your husband is a grown man. He can decide where to look, and he’s going home with you. If he has some lactation fetish or a strong aversion to breastfeeding, that sounds like a problem for the two of you or the two of you and a counselor, not women who are feeding their children and nourishing their bonds to those children.
Thanks for the comment Anne. Actually with the Hooter Hider you can see the baby… http://shop.bebeaulait.com/nc
Oh, and for the record, I have nursed, so far, 2 children for a total of 36 months. I have done so walking around Walmart (thank you, baby carrier, for keeping it on the low down!), at church, and pretty much anywhere else baby and I have been. Nobody, to my knowledge, unless they were using binoculars, has seen my breast. Public breastfeeding without a cover does not have to equal public breast exposure. It just doesn’t. Wear a looser shirt and a nursing tank, get the hang of things at home, and nursing without breast showing is really easy.
Exactly!
Using a cover just makes in uncomfortable and obvious. I NIP all the time, and agree that i’m pretty confident that no one has seen ANY boob let along a nipple!
Oh Geez Louise, people. Tongue-in-Cheek!!! Lighten up! {shakes head}
sorry I’m just now getting to comment on this post. My almost 4 yo and almost 1 yo twins keep me pretty busy. And those kiddo where ALL BREASTFED!! Twins? Let me tell you, no easy task to exclusively breastfeed twins, but I did manage it for 6 solid months, and afterward that I exclusively pumped. As long as they got their mommymilk I was 100% satisfied.
Ok, so FIRST let me congratulate you on being BRAVE enough to not only write this post but put it out there for all the world to see. It’s not easy writing/expressing/posting your opinion when you know that it won’t exactly match that of those who are going to read this.
Second, as a breastfeeder I can tell you that, obviously, we breastfeeding momma’s can be oversensitive jerks when it comes to this subject. But, before having kids did we all honestly sit there and watch a lady whip out the boob in public and be completely amazed? I highly doubt it. Maybe we didn’t say anything outloud, but seeing booby flashed in public probably made you feel a little… odd. Maybe you weren’t completely grossed out about it, but I have no doubt that you had an objective opinion. However, once a person themselves becomes that public breastfeeding momma all opinions seem to magically immediately change.
I, as also a writer and poster of articles that differ from the overall opinion of others, personal do not care what others are going to think of this comment. So here it goes. For goodness sake if you can’t properly cover the boobies maybe you should find a more secluded place to breast feed your baby. Flying boobies = EW! Yes, our breast were put on our bodies for the sole purpose of providing the best nourishment to our babies. But does that really mean you need to host a freedom of the boobies rally and flaunt your feedbags for all the mall to witness? No. Have some tact. Since we were all little tots these parts on our body have been called ‘private parts’ and for a good reason. Breast feeding, which should be fully supported, is not a means of protest. It is a very intimate bong between you and your baby[ies] and should be treated as such. No, not all babies like having a cover other them when they eat. Mine SURE did NOT. And I did NOT buy the fancy covers just to please the public. But I was kind enough to provide the public with a little TACT and feed my children in a nice private and more secluded area. The available nursing station in a mall or store was often used by me and my girls. When my son was a wee booby sucking baby I simply took him back to the car and fed him. And it’s not about hiding from the public or sparing them from seeing the ta-ta’s being suckled, it’s more so for the benefit of giving my child some peace and quiet while enjoying our intimate feeding and bonding time together.
Yes, those who nurse should always feel comfortable and supported, but they should also have some understanding and put some thought behind what they are doing before doing it. Not only for the sake of those around them (can we say HELLO to common courtesy?) but most importantly for the sake of their baby.
As for the rest of the topics in this article, lets stop and think before we post and over-react. I see there are a lot of negative reactions towards the ‘pump and dump’ part. Is this really so horrible a concept? Whether outdated or not, and it was said to be while breastfeeding my twins, I still completely agree with this idea. Only because I’d rather be SAFE than SORRY. One glass of wine, and no I wouldn’t be extremely concerned knowing that my body would have processed out what little alcohol was consume, but if I had my forever loved margarita, even just one I would dump the pumped milk. Again, better safe than sorry. And this isn’t a hard thing to do really. Just be prepared with some milk BEFORE having your drink so that when you do dump the milk you have some backup on hand. OH but give your exclusively breasfed baby a bottle?? GASP!!! Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, letting baby have a bottle of breast milk given to them by Daddy or another family member might allow another to share is this very special bonding time? Oh, sorry… didn’t mean to provoke the idea of SHARING! HAHAHA
The rude and oversensitive comments, honestly, make me laugh. If this is really what gets your panties in a wad, then you just wait. More is yet to come as you raise your children, and I promise that your now wadded and bunch panties are going to get so stretched you might as well stop wearing them.
Give it a rest breasties and lighten up!!
Thank you for writing this! While I am actually a huge proponent of breastfeeding and feel like we – as a society – should be open and accepting, I was HORRIFIED the other day when a co-worker whipped out her breast and started breastfeeding IN A MEETING. I don’t know why she had her child in a meeting — but really, if they’re sleeping and quiet, it’s fine. My employer is very supportive and many women bring their infants to the workplace and nurse in their offices (hooray!!) and we have comfortable lactation rooms, but in a MEETING!? Every man in the room immediately started staring at the ceiling. I felt embarrassed for them and was just aghast. At least throw a blanket over it! In a MEETING!?!?